While texting with a client recently, we "talked" about how our thoughts effect our actions. She had been struggling with negative thoughts about herself. Believing that she was stupid, ugly and without hope had led her down some unhealthy paths. She had acted on those false beliefs and thus, negatively impacted her most important relationships.
Philippians 4:8 speaks to what we should think on. "Finally, brother, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." (NIV)
I wonder how we would be impacted if we actually put those commands into practice. How would it effect our relationships if instead of thinking false things, we thought true things? How would our talk be changed if we thought on noble things instead of crass things? How would we treat others if we thought of right things instead of wrong things? Pure things instead of impure things? Lovely things insted of ugly things? Admirable things instead of dishonorable things? Excellent and praiseworthy things instead of poor and unworthy things?
Changing your negative thoughts to "God-thoughts" is a huge first step to changing bad habits and unhealthy relationship patterns. What will you decide to think on today?
Shannon Shertzer, MS, NCC
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Changes
Sometimes it seems like I blink and another season has rolled around. Summer is here and all the heat, humidity, vacations, outdoor activities, and fun that comes with it. I love the changes of the seasons and the diversity that each one brings. Our lives change also--sometimes the changes are anticipated and looked forward to and other times we reluctantly accept them. However, no matter where we are in our lives, God is constant and we can rejoice in the fact that though everything and everyone around us changes, God does not. As I personally am experiencing some reluctant changes in my life right now, this is a wonderful promise to me.
"Great is Thy Faithfulness"
Great is Thy faithfulness, oh God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be.
~ Mary Lehman
"Great is Thy Faithfulness"
Great is Thy faithfulness, oh God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be.
~ Mary Lehman
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Rewards and Family Fun
Strengthening Families Program 10-14 gives two additional tips for effective parenting:
4. Give a reward.
When a child demonstrates good behavior, especially when it is in a new area of his life, reward him with a special privilege and one-on-one time with a parent. If he has been treating his sibling much better this week than last, take him out for a walk to the corner store for an ice cream.
5. Plan time for family fun.
Family memories are made when you do special things with the kids, whether roasting hot dogs in the back yard or hiking in a park by a stream. The good feelings they experience are part of their history, which can keep them strong during difficulties. Let your child help you with making plans for trips, picking what activities you might do.
In addition to strengthening your relationship with your child, your demonstration of love to your child helps her to knowand appreciate God's love in a fuller way.
"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:11.
~ Ginger Holler
4. Give a reward.
When a child demonstrates good behavior, especially when it is in a new area of his life, reward him with a special privilege and one-on-one time with a parent. If he has been treating his sibling much better this week than last, take him out for a walk to the corner store for an ice cream.
5. Plan time for family fun.
Family memories are made when you do special things with the kids, whether roasting hot dogs in the back yard or hiking in a park by a stream. The good feelings they experience are part of their history, which can keep them strong during difficulties. Let your child help you with making plans for trips, picking what activities you might do.
In addition to strengthening your relationship with your child, your demonstration of love to your child helps her to knowand appreciate God's love in a fuller way.
"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:11.
~ Ginger Holler
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Notice Good Behavior in Your Kids!!
A third tool for effective parenting according to Strengthening Families Program 10-14 is:
It is SO easy to see all the ways our kids need "gentle correction," whether it is coming inside with muddy shoes, or leaving their book bag on the kitchen table, or squabbling with their sibling.
But do you notice the good things they do? Are you glad they played outside and got some exercise (instead of just sitting in front of the TV or computer)? Do you compliment them for being faithful to do their homework without your even asking?
When you praise your child, make it specific. Tell him or her, "Thanks for mowing the lawn. You did a very careful job even around the bushes and trees. I noticed you even put the mower back into the shed! Thanks so much." You may even give a special unexpected reward such as, "Here's money to ride your bike to the corner market for an ice cream." Better yet, take them there and enjoy one together!
As they say, "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." Lasting positive change is the result of positive reinforcement all along.
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Ephesians 4:29).
Notice good behavior.
But do you notice the good things they do? Are you glad they played outside and got some exercise (instead of just sitting in front of the TV or computer)? Do you compliment them for being faithful to do their homework without your even asking?
When you praise your child, make it specific. Tell him or her, "Thanks for mowing the lawn. You did a very careful job even around the bushes and trees. I noticed you even put the mower back into the shed! Thanks so much." You may even give a special unexpected reward such as, "Here's money to ride your bike to the corner market for an ice cream." Better yet, take them there and enjoy one together!
As they say, "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." Lasting positive change is the result of positive reinforcement all along.
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Ephesians 4:29).
Friday, May 13, 2011
Preteen and Teen Development
A second tool in the Strengthening Families Program is to understand preteen and teen development.
Life seemed quite predictable when my son and two daughters were in grade school. Sure there were squabbles, and they had to be pushed to do homework or chores. But you basically knew how they might behave in most situations.
Then came the preteen years! Each one went through many changes, physically, emotionally, socially, even spiritually. They each became more independent and even challenged authority in their own way. It is NORMAL for kids this age to want to be more independent and want to spend more time with their friends. Most want to spend more time by themselves, too, which can make a parent even feel forgotten or ignored or snubbed.
Kids may talk back to you and be "smart alecks." They need to know that THIS is not appropriate behavior; they may need consequences to help reinforce this.
BUT it is NORMAL for pre-teens and teens to act their age. Because that in fact is what they are!!
"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man (or woman), I put childish ways behind me" (1 Corinthians 13:11). This verse is at the end of the famous "love chapter." Paul says that of faith, hope, and love, LOVE is the greatest of all.
Lord, help me to LOVE my children where they are, even during the hard times, just the way you love me all the time.
Life seemed quite predictable when my son and two daughters were in grade school. Sure there were squabbles, and they had to be pushed to do homework or chores. But you basically knew how they might behave in most situations.
Then came the preteen years! Each one went through many changes, physically, emotionally, socially, even spiritually. They each became more independent and even challenged authority in their own way. It is NORMAL for kids this age to want to be more independent and want to spend more time with their friends. Most want to spend more time by themselves, too, which can make a parent even feel forgotten or ignored or snubbed.
Kids may talk back to you and be "smart alecks." They need to know that THIS is not appropriate behavior; they may need consequences to help reinforce this.
BUT it is NORMAL for pre-teens and teens to act their age. Because that in fact is what they are!!
"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man (or woman), I put childish ways behind me" (1 Corinthians 13:11). This verse is at the end of the famous "love chapter." Paul says that of faith, hope, and love, LOVE is the greatest of all.
Lord, help me to LOVE my children where they are, even during the hard times, just the way you love me all the time.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Am I really listening?
We just finished a seven week session of Strengthening Families Program 10-14, in which young teens and their parents learn tools to make their relationships stronger and healthier. The first tool the parents learn in the class is:
Listen for the feelings.
When my child comes to me with a problem, do I immediately ask 20 questions? Or do I try to fix it for them? Or maybe I even get angry! Maybe all she wants is to be heard, to be loved. Maybe she wants to know that I understand.
Perhaps her best friend ignored her today, or even said something mean to her. I might say, "Sounds like you might be sad." Or maybe, "That must have made you feel very sad and lonely." She might even agree and say, "Yes, I was scared Susie won't be my friend anymore."
When we hear people's feelings, they feel accepted and cared for. After all, we really can't fix their problems. But we can be there for them. This will empower them to go on, to make their own decisions and feel secure.
And at the right time, we can share with them that Jesus always understands and cares. "Cast all your anxiety upon him, because He always cares for you!" (1 Peter 5:7)
~Ginger Holler
Listen for the feelings.
When my child comes to me with a problem, do I immediately ask 20 questions? Or do I try to fix it for them? Or maybe I even get angry! Maybe all she wants is to be heard, to be loved. Maybe she wants to know that I understand.
Perhaps her best friend ignored her today, or even said something mean to her. I might say, "Sounds like you might be sad." Or maybe, "That must have made you feel very sad and lonely." She might even agree and say, "Yes, I was scared Susie won't be my friend anymore."
When we hear people's feelings, they feel accepted and cared for. After all, we really can't fix their problems. But we can be there for them. This will empower them to go on, to make their own decisions and feel secure.
And at the right time, we can share with them that Jesus always understands and cares. "Cast all your anxiety upon him, because He always cares for you!" (1 Peter 5:7)
~Ginger Holler
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Little Things
All of us go through times where we feel completely overwhelmed and discouraged. Things just aren't going right. It may be relationships, finances, busyness, or any number of things that creep into your life that you feel you just can't handle. Sometimes it feels like when one thing goes wrong then everything goes wrong.
I have noticed that when I feel down, it is often the little things that can pick me up. Last week was a good example of this. I was feeling overwhelmed with things that needed done and people who needed my attention. My aging father was complaining of chest pains, finances were tight, my housework was not getting done and the lawn needed mowed. On top of all this the lawn mower was broken so the hope of getting it mowed in the near future was slim.
I decided to start with one small thing. I swept my kitchen floor. It made me feel SOO much better. From there I cleaned the bathroom and my mood brightened considerably. I walked outside and peeping out from the unkept flower beds were bright red tulips. Suddenly I felt like weeding a little bit. I pulled away the weeds and soon more flowers appeared. Amazingly, my world didn't seem so bad any more.
I think sometimes we believe something big has to happen to improve our situation and outlook on life. However, I am amazed how something small--like a flower, or a kind word--can make a huge difference in the way we perceive things. Look for something small today that you can do or say to cheer you or a friend. After all, if God takes care of the lilies of the field and the sparrows, (Matt. 6:28) He will surely take care of you and I. ~ Mary
P.S. I am happy to say that the lawn mower is now fixed and my lawn is mowed!
I have noticed that when I feel down, it is often the little things that can pick me up. Last week was a good example of this. I was feeling overwhelmed with things that needed done and people who needed my attention. My aging father was complaining of chest pains, finances were tight, my housework was not getting done and the lawn needed mowed. On top of all this the lawn mower was broken so the hope of getting it mowed in the near future was slim.
I decided to start with one small thing. I swept my kitchen floor. It made me feel SOO much better. From there I cleaned the bathroom and my mood brightened considerably. I walked outside and peeping out from the unkept flower beds were bright red tulips. Suddenly I felt like weeding a little bit. I pulled away the weeds and soon more flowers appeared. Amazingly, my world didn't seem so bad any more.
I think sometimes we believe something big has to happen to improve our situation and outlook on life. However, I am amazed how something small--like a flower, or a kind word--can make a huge difference in the way we perceive things. Look for something small today that you can do or say to cheer you or a friend. After all, if God takes care of the lilies of the field and the sparrows, (Matt. 6:28) He will surely take care of you and I. ~ Mary
P.S. I am happy to say that the lawn mower is now fixed and my lawn is mowed!
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