A Closer Look at Marriage (Part 3)

In my last blog entry, I shared about honoring God’s gift of sex in a healthy and God-honoring way. As we think about the beauty of God's gift of sex, it is also valuable to take a step back and think about things that cloud or damage our awareness of others and ourselves as sexual beings: 

●      Media is increasingly sexualizing our culture, directing sexual messages increasingly to children. Watch any amount of TV programming, and you will see this is the case. There is a tremendous amount of pressure placed on girls, young women, and adult women, to have the right body size, even if it means starving one-self and spending inordinate amounts of time in the gym, or in the office of the plastic surgeon.

●      Girls, women and boys are sexually abused in increasing numbers. Sexual abuse leads to brokenness, a loss of innocence on the part of children, and a myriad of relationship and intimacy problems later in life.

●      Another menacing problem is the increasing ease of access to pornography which enables men and women to enjoy sexual images without intimacy. One recent study found that 20% of Christian women and 50% of Christian men struggle with using pornographic materials. This can lead to addiction which affects the brain's chemistry and leads to escalation as people look for increasingly more graphic and brutal images and eventually to actual experiences with unknown persons to satisfy their addiction. Partners are deeply hurt and marriages are broken when their partner is addicted to pornography. People who struggle with this type of addiction need consistent and ongoing therapeutic intervention and accountability, not just for a short period of time, but often throughout the rest of their lives.

●      People struggle with knowing how to manage their sexual attraction as they are in dating relationships or as they work or are in school with people of the opposite sex. We all know that temptation happens. I feel safe to say that all of us, even those of us in a marriage relationship, have experienced temptation; temptation is not sin, but we cannot ignore those inner passions that call to us because we are all vulnerable, and we need to establish boundaries that honor the gift of our sexuality and the sanctity of marriage. 

Marriage therapists say that if you're not talking about temptation within the context of your marriage, you probably should be, and if you cannot talk about those things, then you may want to seek some help to do so.

 

Let's also not forget that new beginnings are always possible. If you are in a situation where you have fallen in some way in your sexual life, forgiveness and a new beginning are always possible. It is never too late to start over. Jesus brings to us the possibility of healing and restoration in him as we choose to receive it.

 

God longs to bless us through healthy expressions of our sexuality. He wants us to enjoy intimacy and physical pleasure and emotional connection in our marriage relationships. God wants us to have fun as sexual beings provided this is within the context of heterosexual marriage. He is not out to torture us with unreasonable desires and restrictions about sex. Rather, the boundaries that are outlined by God in His Word and are taught by the church, represent an invitation to wholeness and joy that is far more powerful and fulfilling than the casual, free for all sex that is so often promoted and endorsed by our culture. I will close this writing by quoting from the Love Chapter in the Bible - I Corinthians 13. We usually hear these verses read at weddings, but let's think of them in the context of the sexual relationship in marriage: 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always perseveres. Love never fails. 

 

May God guide us as we navigate the challenges of living with sexual integrity in today’s world!  

Tom Horst, Marriage and Family Therapist

New Hope Community Life Ministry

92-Year Old Preacher

The following story was shared by David Rench on an inspirational website. I hope it speaks to you as it did to me.

92-Year Old Preacher

While watching TV one day, I observed a church in Atlanta honoring one of its senior pastors who had been retired many years. He was 92 at that time and I wondered why the church even bothered to ask the old gentleman to preach at that age.

After a warm welcome and introduction of this speaker, and as the applause quieted down, he rose from his high back chair and walked slowly, with great effort and a sliding gait to the podium. Without a note or written paper of any kind he placed both hands on the pulpit to steady himself and then quietly and slowly began to speak...

"When I was asked to come here today and talk to you, your pastor asked me to tell you what was the greatest lesson ever learned in my 50-odd years of preaching. I thought about it for a few days and boiled it down to just one thing that made the most difference in my life and sustained me through all my trials.

The one thing that I could always rely on when tears and heartbreak and pain and fear and sorrow paralyzed me...The only thing that would comfort was this verse...

Jesus loves me this I know.

For the Bible tells me so.

Little ones to Him belong,

We are weak but He is strong...

Yes, Jesus loves me...

The Bible tells me so."

When he finished, the church was quiet. You actually could hear his footsteps as he shuffled back to his chair. I don't believe I will ever forget it. ~ David Rench

 

Shared by Mary Lehman

A New Year to Serve Others

When the New Year arrives we often contemplate how we can be a better Christian or person.  What exactly are things we can do to become a better person?  I recently did a Children’s Message at Church on this very idea.  The children came up with ideas of helping people and being nice.  In John 13: 1-17 we read about Jesus washing the feet of his disciples after he had supper with them.  When Jesus came to Peter’s feet, Peter did not want Jesus to “stoop to that level”.

 

 

What we don’t realize is that during Jesus’ time, washing feet was a job that a servant would do.  Jesus was teaching His disciples as He teaches us that we need to humble ourselves and become a servant and serve others.  We do this by helping another person when they are sick, hungry, or in need of shelter. We do this by quietly holding the hand of a person whose loved one has just died or by sitting and listening to someone share what is on their heart.  That is being a servant.  

 

 

When was the last time we have done these things?  Perhaps it is something that we are afraid we aren’t equipped to do; however, there is always a talent that God has bestowed on us that will enable us to serve others.  So when we feel that we can’t be of help to someone else we need to stop and think about our talents and how we can use those to serve others.

Will you be a servant with me?

            Make me a servant, humble and meek

            Lord let me lift up those who are weak

            And may the prayer of my heart always be

            Make me a servant, make me a servant

            Make me a servant today

 

Have a Happy & Healthy New Year!

Elaine Campbell, MA, MHC

Reflections

As another year comes to an end I find myself reflecting on the past year.  I have had an interesting year with many bumps along the way.  The reflection that I see is a gentle reminder that I am not in charge of my life.  God is the one with ultimate and total control.  Why we experience the bumps in our journey here on earth is a question that we may never receive an answer to until we meet God face to face.  On occasion we may even catch a glimpse of how our bumps can be helpful to someone else who is hurting. 

 

 

When I come into contact with someone else that is hurting it is as if I am looking into a mirror and viewing my own likeness.  Another question comes to mind as to why God would put that individual into my life.  How am I to help this person?  That is when I am reminded of I Corinthians 13 and the Greatest Gift that God gave us!  He gave us His very own Son; who came to earth, lived among us, felt the same pain and heartaches that we have and He died to save us. He knows not only my pain but everyone’s pain and through my own experiences He gives me the words to say to help others through their bumps in the road.

 

 

 “For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.”  I Corinthians 13:12 NKJV 

 

 

So when I don’t understand why those bumps on this journey are there I can rejoice and know that someone bigger than you and I has been there with me carrying me all the way!

Elaine Campbell, MA, MHC

Rejoicing in the Season!

I always feel sort of unsettled between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I think it is a little bit of stress and a little bit of peer pressure to "do Christmas right." This season can often consume us with a multitude of activities--buying and decorating the Christmas tree, Christmas shopping, Christmas presents, Christmas pageants, Advent, cookie baking. etc. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with it all and wish for "normalcy" in my life.

 

However, after reading Kara's blog, I have decided to enjoy these normal, seasonal activities that can at times make me cranky. Kara is dying of cancer. She is mourning the loss of not being able to do the normal Christmas activities with her family and at times finds herself jealous of those of us who can. She writes:

 

So, last night...I was in agony. I was weeping hot and angry tears over the pain. And all I kept saying over and over- is “I’m so jealous of normal people.” I just want to be kissing my kids goodnight and sitting down for a glass of something and adult conversation next to my man- not calling the hospital and debating if I need to go there to spare the kids from hearing my agony. I want a bad hair day, to worry over a spelling test, or upcoming lines in a play coming out smoothly for my brave young lady that has taken on drama with a stutter. I’m so proud. So proud of her. I want to go to a thrift store and buy old wool sweaters and make ugly stuffed animals with my kids and bake over Christmas break. I do not want to be back in radiation battling to kill what is killing me…. or hurting me. I want to be decorating my house for Christmas.

 

She goes on to say:

 

I’m going to open my Bible, and I’m going to hunt down the grace, the peace, the source of what living- true living really is. It’s not the absence of this pain, it’s not the presence of normal. It’s the ability and strength that I covet so desperately. It’s Jesus. He is who I need. But I also know He’s not disappointed in my wrestling, weary heart this morning. He will show me, once again, that he is enough. Maybe I can’t run to the store and Christmas shop or decorate, but after I search out peace...I plan to find a few treats for my people for Christmas. That feels almost normal. And tonight as a family- we can read scripture, and as a family we are going to curl up in my bed and pick a Compassion Child to support together.  Oh- I feel the peace coming just making this plan. A moment not focused on me- glory. I feel a contented face coming right now- thank you Jesus.

 

Wow!  I don't think there is much more I can add to that. I am just going to be grateful that I can physically do those "normal" things that Kara wishes she could do. I don't have to worry about whether my house is as beautifully decorated as my friend's or whether my cookies taste as good as another lady's at church, or whether I can buy the perfect gifts for my family. Christmas is about so much more. It is about life and life is beautiful. I want to embrace every day that God gives me and be thankful that God chose to send his son to earth as a baby so that I can have life, not only on this earth but also for eternity.

 

My prayers are with Kara and her family as she continues her struggle. As hard and as difficult as her journey is, her strength, courage, and faith are such an inspiration to many. It has helped me to put into perspective the things in my life that are really important and to count each day as a blessing from God.

 

PS - The sign is a Christmas gift to myself that I purchased from a friend who makes them. I LOVE it! Life is indeed beautiful. Let's be thankful for it.

 

Mary Lehman

Secretary

Moses

Moses had an amazing encounter with God where God tells Moses that he is the man who will bring the Israelites out of Egypt. It doesn't take Moses very long to come up with several excuses why he should not be the one to lead the people out of Egypt.

 

Have we ever looked at this exchange and believed that we would have responded differently? In the past few months, I have had my own questions for God about why He allows me to oversee the ministry at New Hope Community Closet and so I have been relating to Moses.

 

There are over 50 volunteers who process donations, run the register and allow the store to run with a low overhead. God allows me to interact with these wonderful volunteers week in and week out. But, I am an introvert. God knows this. There are many days when I would love to sit at a desk by myself, check my emails and learn how to market a thrift store better.

I rarely have time to sit at the desk to check emails, and it is rarely quiet. But I am able to speak truth into volunteers' lives each day.

 

With over 50 volunteers, the same task may be completed in many different ways. I love order and consistency. How do I accept it when there are inconsistencies? And again, I need to remember that I have many opportunities each day to show God's love, instead of showing  my impatience.

 

I answer many questions each day ranging from what hours we are open, what donations we accept, or how much should we price a particular item. All of these questions are important to answer and it is part of my job. I love answering questions of strategy, and some of the questions I hear each day are strategic questions.

But many of the questions I answer are questions of information. And, I question God about where He has allowed me to be.

 

When it comes down to it, my life is not about my strengths being used, or me helping to make "important" decisions. What my life should be about is to love others well. God has taken an introvert who would often rather be away from people, and put me in the midst of people every day. If I love people well, it is because at the beginning of my day I spend time with God. I read his Word to me. I talk to Him about the day ahead. And, I try to listen to His voice reminding me of what is really important in life.

 

What it really comes down to is do I trust God? Do I really believe that He knows what He is doing? Am I wiling to submit to Him? Will I let my life be about showing God's love to those in my life?

 

And so, I am thankful for the example of Moses. He was not afraid to ask God questions. But, he had to listen for God's answers. Moses did do what God asked. God led Moses and the Israelites through their long journey. He will lead me through my journey also.

Deb Riddell
Closet Manager

Don’t Get Tangled in Holiday Debt!

     In my current role as New Hope’s life coach, I meet with many clients who have financial assistance needs. Usually, the debt for these clients is overwhelming and they face the loss of their basic needs if something does not change rapidly.

     Unfortunately, once a person finds themselves in this level of financial crisis, desperate steps need to be made in order to get one on the right path to freedom.

The Christmas season is now upon us and many people will be caught up in the moment of impulse buying. By January, one may be calling me to help them recover from unwise choices being made in December. I write this article to address the steps one needs to take now to prevent long term consequences that will affect you throughout 2015.

     The first step is to realistically look at your money. Determine a reasonable budgeted amount that is not taking funds from your basic needs, (like rent, electric and food). If you don’t have the funds, then don’t spend what you don’t have.

     Set Your Limits – Decide what you can realistically afford this holiday season without causing yourself a lot of stress and anxiety. If you haven’t set anything aside for holiday shopping, you may need to use money from a different area of your budget to cover these expenses. For example, if you have money set aside for “fun money” to treat yourself or money set aside for dining out, you could cut back in both of these areas and use the savings towards your holiday spending bill. Remember, gifts don’t have to cost money.

     This will be my first Christmas without my dad. He passed away in August of this year. As I remember back to my best Christmas memories they were the times we spent together. As a kid, my dad would drive us all around through the neighborhood looking at the Christmas lights, or the times spending Christmas Eve as family together. We would first go to Chestnut Level’s candle light service and then return to mom and dad’s house for homemade cookies and punch and conversation. Oh to hear my father’s voice again! One cannot wrap up in sparkly paper the things that really mean the most!

      If there’s one time of the year when people shop with their heart, not their head, it’s the holiday season. Emotional spending during the holidays is often the tipping point that pushes people over the edge financially, as common sense can take a backseat during this time of the year.

     The NFCC offers the following five reminders of the long-term consequences of over-spending, some of which can last far after the lights are taken down and the tinsel is packed away.

• Paying additional interest – Adding new debt to an existing debt load, one which cannot be paid in full when the bill arrives, equals paying a larger dollar amount of interest due to the higher outstanding balance. Even worse, when a balance is carried over from month-to-month on an account, interest is paid on the previous months’ interest. People often boast of buying an item on sale, then pay for it over time, thus wiping out any savings.
• Diminished future borrowing power – An increased level of debt decreases the amount of credit currently available, and could cause lenders to decline applications for new lines of credit or loans. Since no one knows what the future holds, not being in a position to tap into new credit is something to guard against.
• Diminished future buying power – Buying on credit is a contractual agreement to pay the debt later, often with money that has yet to be earned. Committing tomorrow’s money for today’s expenses could compromise future spending.
• Lower credit score – Excessive debt often leads to paying late, skipping payments, and utilizing too high a percentage of open credit, all of which could lower your credit score. Further, applying for new lines of credit simply to save money on today’s purchase will not only increase the temptation to spend, but will show as an inquiry on the credit report, potentially lowering the score.
• Debt interferes with life – Debt is a 24/7 problem, distracts people from their job and home-life, interrupts sleep, and potentially causes marital strife. 

     Consumers would be well-served to take stock of their current debt obligations before adding to them. Continuing to pay for holiday expenses well into the New Year doesn’t create the kind of holiday memories anyone wants.

     Final thought, Christmas is a time to celebrate the birth of our Savior. Jesus was not born to offer an excuse to be in financial bondage; He came offering the free gift of salvation.

 Wishing you a Merry and Debt-Free Christmas!

Connie Hanten, BCMCLC

New Hope Life Coach