Caregiving

In January of 2010, I was at the grocery store when I received a life-altering phone call from my gastro-entrologist. Just a few days before I got the call, he had performed an endoscopy on me. Since Christmas, I had been struggling with some stomach ailments and my liver counts were astronomically high. I was expecting him to call me with the pathology report, but was optimistic because when I came out of anesthesia, he explained that he had found a mass which appeared to be benign near my liver duct. I was standing at the deli counter waiting for my sliced pound of smoked turkey breast, when I heard the words, "Shannon, it's not good." He went on to say that he was shocked that the mass was a cancerous tumor. He had already contacted an oncologist and they would be calling me with an appointment time the next day. Thus began a year long journey of surgery and chemotherapy and radiation and all the changes and turmoil that come with it.

My husband, Jere, proved a very capable caregiver. He went with me to most of my initial appointments, helped me make decisions about my treatment and wrote regular emails to family and friends to keep them up-to-date with my progress. He spent as much time with me at the hospital as he could and still meet his work responsibilities. He scheduled people to stay with me when I got home. I developed an infection while I was in the hospital and had an open wound that needed cleaned and packed twice a day. He took care of that until I was capable of doing it on my own. He helped me bathe. He made meals. He cleaned the house or asked for help with it. All of that on top of working full-time. All of that on top of my irritability and grumpiness. All of that on top of the fear that he might lose his wife. He was extraordinary.

For those of you who are caregivers, I want to thank you for being extraordinary. You give and give and give. I know sometimes your loved ones are angry or depressed or agitated or don't know who you are. Sometimes (most times) you feel drained of all energy. Sometimes the emotion your loved one exhibits is the one you give back and it isn't always pretty, which makes you feel guilty. Sometimes you want to run away.

But there are also times you feel happy because your loved one is appreciative or responsive to your care. Sometimes you get to reminisce with your loved one and it's a sacred time for both of you.  Sometimes in the middle of the struggle, you also realize that you wouldn't want to be anywhere else because you love them so much and it's worth every tear.

Caregiving is a tough job. I want to let you know that your love, sacrifice and ministry are extraordinary and appreciated. God smiles at you as He watches you care for His child. He blesses you for extending yourself and He wants you to know that taking care of yourself is taking care of your loved one. Remember to find times to relax, to laugh, and to recreate. Don't forget to get "filled up" through worship music and good teaching and conversations with grounded people. You need those times so you have the energy to take care of your loved one.

Shannon Shertzer, MS, NCC
New Hope Counselor