Grief

The last time I wrote on this blog, I wrote about my mother. It was close to Mother's Day, and I felt it appropriate to write my appreciation for Mom. Little did I know when I wrote that day, that I would feel compelled to write about her again today, though this time from a different perspective. Last month, Mom went to the hospital for internal bleeding. Since her stroke 11 years ago, Mom has had some off and on problems with this, due to the blood thinners she is on. She was in the hospital for nearly a week, and they were able to find the source of the bleeding and address that, but to do so, they had to take her off of the blood thinner. On June 23, Mom had several strokes which left her paralyzed on her right side and unable to speak in any clear way. She returned to the retirement home where she and Dad live, but now they have to live separately, as Mom had to go into the skilled nursing unit.

Now when we go to visit our mother, she is a shadow of what she was only a few weeks ago. I and my sisters and our families have all begun to grieve, as we believe Mother won't be with us very much longer. It's difficult to see Dad, too, as he adjusts to life without Mother, after nearly 67 years of marriage. He is grieving, too. It's a natural part of life, to grieve. Grief is an emotion we all experience as we deal with loss. For us as children of our Mother, we realize things will never be the same. Mother is in the process of leaving us, and we miss her already. Some of us have expressed anger that the doctors couldn't have done more to keep this stroke from happening. Others are in denial, thinking soon Mom will return to her normal self again. Slowly, I believe, we are coming to terms with the fact that Mother, barring a miracle, won't get better, and that we will have to learn to live with our loss.

It's good to be able to talk about our loss as a family, and talk with our Dad about his sense of loss. Keeping our feelings inside and pretending all is well is not a healthy response to loss. We are finding comfort in each other as siblings, our spouses, our children, and other close friends. And we are finding comfort and strength in our faith in God. We know that Mom is ready to go to be with Jesus, and though it will be a loss for us, we are ready to let her go.

Some verses that have brought a particular sense of comfort are from the Apostle Paul:

Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly, we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal (2 Corinthians 4:16:18).

Tom Horst, MA
Marriage and Family Therapist