Words

I've been thinking lately about the power of words. You may remember that little rhyme we used to say as kids: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." We'd say that to someone who had just said something mean or hurtful to us to let them know that, say what they will, their words will have no effect on us. Really? Is that true? As I have reflected over that childhood verse, I realize actually the opposite is true. The sticks and stones that hit us did hurt us, maybe even broke a bone. However, those wounds have healed and we've moved on. But the hurtful words that were spoken to us, even in jest, often leave wounds that still bleed.

One client told me of his experience growing up at home with his father. My client was the second of two sons, and apparently his father wanted a girl when my client was born, rather than another boy.  This father told his son one day when he was very angry: "I wish you were dead. I always wanted a daughter anyway." That wound still bleeds for my client; he struggles with depression, low self-esteem, abandonment, and anger.

On the other hand, that father could have said to his son: "Son, I am so thankful for you. You are such a blessing from God. I remember the day you were born, and when they told me I have another son, I was thrilled!" What power would those words have in my client's life?

If you're a parent, bless your children through your words. I recall, in the Bible, the story of Jacob and Esau. They were in competition for their father Isaac's blessing, and one day, after his brother, Jacob, had tricked his father into blessing him instead of Esau, Esau cried out: "Bless me too, my father!" That is the cry of every child as they grow up in our homes. They long to be blessed by us as their parents. And we can also bless our marriage partners by affirming them through our words: "I'm so thankful God brought you into my life," or, "Thanks for all the little things you do to make my life great!"

Can you imagine how Christ's disciples felt when he called them his "friends"? That must have been a great blessing to them. I challenge us to bless our children and our spouses with words that strengthen and encourage!

Tom Horst, MA
Marriage and Family Therapist