Memories

I recently saw this quote:

"Sometimes memories sneak out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks" (author unknown).

Since October 4, 2013 that thought has been my experience. On that day, my mother unexpectedly died while she was staying in my home. Ever since, my memories produce a stream of tears...some happy, most sad. They come with the "missing." I miss her in so many ways...the phone calls, the shopping trips, the visiting. I miss her voice. I miss her presence.

And with the missing, I remember. I remember how she used to put her hair up in curlers, put a scarf over her head and go grocery shopping (it was the 70's). I remember playing 500 Rummy on winter nights. I remember her sitting watching TV with a cat on her lap. I remember our first microwave and how she liked to make brownies in it (they were terrible). I remember when she was first teaching me to drive how she clutched the dashboard and hissed, "Get off the berm!" I yelled back, "What's a berm?!?!" (it's the side of the road).

I remember the recent years after Dad died. Mom became a lot braver. She changed jobs, took trips and expanded her taste buds (she ate her first Thai food with me in Lancaster). She and I took mother-daughter trips to see the Grand Canyon and The Hoover Dam. That was just a year before she died.

And now I tear up with the thought of all the missing things we didn't get to yet. We were going to take a trip to New England and maybe Williamsburg. I wanted her to travel with me to California to spend time with my best friend. So many things we won't get a chance to do.

These memories that flow down my cheeks are sweet reminders of a lovely woman. They are my emotional memory album that documents our sweet relationship. I know they are good tears. I wish I wasn't crying them...wish she was still here, but to not cry them would be dishonoring the specialness of who Mom is to me. And so, I stock up on tissues and let the memories roll down my cheeks knowing that one day there won't be any need for them. We will reunite and then the Lord will wipe away every tear.

Shannon Shertzer, MS, NCC
New Hope Counselor