Listening with Love

I've recently read an older book by Abraham Schmitt titled, The Art of Listening with Love (1982). Each chapter gives examples of how listening with love changed a person's life. Now, you would think that a professional counselor would be an authority on listening well, but I must say that sometimes, I'm not a very good listener.

I'm one of those people who hears a portion of something a friend is saying and instead of listening completely to the entire thought, I begin to formulate what I'm going to contribute to the conversation. In doing that, I miss a lot of the heart behind my friend's communication.

Proverbs 18:13 states, "He who answers before listening--that is his folly and his shame." Many a time, I've put the proverbial foot in my mouth because of an over-zealous need to speak. Obviously, that kind of self-orientation can hurt people.

But, there is hope for most of us "quick-speakers." If we change our half-hearted listening to whole-hearted listening, it slows us down. We turn from thinking of our own agendas and what we want in the conversation to listening with love for the other person. And some pretty awesome things happen when we listen with love.

We hear what's in-between the words. We hear the heart and spirit behind the circumstances or story. Then, as we appropriately (and in a timely fashion) respond, we're able to ask deeper questions or state empathic words of comfort. Our friends know we truly care. They can walk away from the conversation knowing that even if their circumstances haven't changed, they are not alone.

So, let's experiment in our conversations this week. Let's vow to listen whole-heartedly...to be slow to speak and quick to listen. Shoot us an email here at New Hope and let us know how it made a difference. We'd love to hear your stories!

Shannon Shertzer, MS, NCC