It's 3:00 in the Morning and I Can't Sleep

After reading Deb's blog last week, I decided to piggyback off of it. As I read it, I thought, "that's me." I have a daughter getting married in three weeks. She is trying not to turn into bridezilla and I'm trying not to turn into momzilla, but it is still a very stressful time. Deb talked about the Fashion Show and while she carries most of the responsibility, there is always last minute things that need to be done by me as well--mainly the seating arrangements that usually require juggling right up to the last second. There are some other changes happening at work that I am not looking forward to and my husband would like to purchase another property and I am dragging my feet.  When I wake up at 3:00 in the morning and think about all these things, I feel as though my life is spinning out of control.

 

On last Wednesday's "Our Daily Bread", the devotional was "Too Much for Me." A posting on their  Facebook page said that they had a tremendous response to this devotional. Why? I am convinced that almost everyone in the world feels overwhelmed many times during their life. We all have different problems and situations in life that seem unbearable. I feel guilty at times, because when I hear of peoples sufferings in other parts of the world, or of someone dying of cancer, or of the death of a young child, my problems seem minor and I think I need to just shut up and be extremely thankful for the life I have. And I am thankful, but I still feel suffocated at times with the things that I am dealing with.

 

I know that life has its ups and downs and I know that my life will probably get a little easier after the wedding is behind us. The other things that are worrying me will also be resolved in one way or another. After things have settled down a bit, new concerns and fears will be on the horizon because that is just the way life is.

 

I find great comfort in knowing that although my life (and others) can seem like a roller coaster, God is the rock Who never changes. I don't know what my future holds but God knows and I trust Him. I love the phrase that "Our Daily Bread" ended their devotional with:

"With God behind you and His arms beneath you, you can face whatever lies ahead."

 

Mary Lehman

Secretary



 



It's 4:30 AM Saturday Morning and I Can't Sleep

My mind is spinning. I feel like I am in a storm with giant waves crashing over me. I may be about to sink. I cry out to Jesus and ask Him to calm me through this storm. I know He is in the midst of this storm with me, but for now I am afraid.

I think over the past weeks. A beloved volunteer passed away very unexpectedly. I miss Rose Mary. Tuesdays are not the same without her. The Fashion Show is coming up on April 23. This fundraiser that we put on through the Community Closet and New Hope Community Life Ministry takes a lot of work to put on. There are many details. And, as the one who oversees the event, I wonder if everything will get done. Between the details for the fashion show and the details for work, I was feeling overwhelmed, but I was keeping my head above water. I could do this with God's help.

And then came Monday and the announcement that the assistant manager was giving her two week notice. All of a sudden, I did not know how I would handle hiring someone on top of everything else. All of a sudden, I could not do this at all. God would have to take care of things.

As I went through the week continuing to take care of details, my time with God each morning became more important than ever. Different scriptures came to me that gave me hope. Friends encouraged me that it would all work out. I took the time to relax and get a pedicure.

But, then came Saturday morning and I was awake. I talked to God, and somehow I fell asleep again. I even slept late that morning.

I don't know what tomorrow holds, but God will be hemming me in. I need to keep my eyes on Him, and not on my circumstances. I need to rehearse the truth of Scripture. And, I let music soothe my soul.

I have always loved the song "It Is Well." I love the story behind the song. And, now there is a new version of "It Is Well" sung by Bethel Music that I also love. This song speaks volumes to my weary heart and soul. I hope you will let it minister to you as well.

 

 

 

Deb Riddell

Closet Manager

Risks and Benefits of the Therapeutic Journey

           In my last post, I suggested that good therapy is a relationship that promotes “the making of good connections in all directions” (Dr. Robb Palmer, Evangelical Seminary, Myerstown, PA). What might that definition of health suggest as goals or desired outcomes of therapy? What factors impact outcomes that can be expected from therapy? Could therapy make things worse? Just what are the risks and benefits of therapy? Those are all important questions to consider. Developing clear goals and expectations will help you make the most of your time and resources in therapy. In therapy, as in planning any journey, it is important to begin with the end in mind.

Desired destinations:

            Therapy typically involves reaching at least one of the following three destinations: 1) a place where you are better situated to cope with unsolvable difficulties; 2) a place where you are better situated to reach a solution to solvable problems; and/or 3) a place where one is better situated to participate in vitalizing relationships. Therapy might help you to develop strategies to cope with the unchangeable, to develop new ways of finding solutions, and/or to develop fuller self-knowing of how you can participate more fully in vitalizing relationships. The distance to the destination varies case by case, as does the pace of progress towards one’s destination.

Hazards and Roadblocks:

            In the course of therapy, additional emotional, cognitive, behavioral, and/or relational difficulties or challenges related or unrelated to the your initial reason for seeking therapy (the presenting problem) may manifest and complicate treatment of the presenting problem. Your presenting problem might not only fail to improve but might worsen as a result of therapy, if underlying challenges or difficulties manifest in the course of therapy. The therapist has an ethical obligation to make appropriate referrals should difficulties arise that lie outside the scope of the therapist’s expertise or exceeds the therapist’s competence.

            Most therapists belong to professional organizations that offer guidelines for their practice. You might want to explore the website of the NIHM (the National Institute for Mental Health), the APA (American Psychological Association), the NASW (National Association of Social Workers), or the AAMFT (American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy), to learn more. A number of training programs equip mental health professionals. New Hope counselors are not medical doctors.

            Therefore, if for example, the therapist were to suspect that emotional or cognitive difficulties might be the result of an underlying medical condition, then the therapist might question the benefit of therapy since the therapist suspects the client needs care beyond the scope of the therapist’s practice. The therapist would recommend a medical evaluation. Whether or not a medical evaluation affirms or denies the therapist’s suspicions, the client may undergo distress unrelated to the client’s initial reason(s) for seeking therapy.

            Yet, the fact of the therapist-client relationship implies a duty to care, and therefore the therapist acting in good faith must make such a referral, when there is reasonable evidence of its necessity (in the above case, such would very likely include the results of a mental status exam). There are numerous scenarios wherein problems related and unrelated to the presenting problem exacerbate a client’s presenting problem, and the therapist welcomes clients to discuss with the therapist concerns regarding the risks and limits of treatment at any time.

 

Aaron Arnold

Counselor Intern

Life Purpose

Have you ever seen the movie “Facing the Giants”? Throughout this movie, numerous life obstacles are presented to Grant Taylor and his wife. He owns a car that constantly dies on him, they live in a house that has numerous problems to be fixed, and he does not make enough money on his job. As if that were not enough to overwhelm them, Grant and his wife have desired to have children. Their attempts for four years have been unproductive. Needless to say, life is not going well for them. Does this sound familiar? I know that a few of these situations have been the events within my life from time to time.  But in the mist of it all, God has a purpose and a plan. 

 

Let me share a scene from this movie that had a major impact on me. Coach Grant Taylor has his football team on the field, practicing drills. His lead player, Brock, has a negative attitude that is affecting the whole team. The coach is addressing this issue and has just said, “Attitudes are the aroma of your life.” He calls out Brock, (who is displaying a bad attitude), to do the death crawl. With another player on his back, he is asked to crawl as far as he can.  Coach Taylor blindfolds Brock so that he does not give in at a point in which he feels that he has done well enough. He wants to have Brock give him his best. As Brock crawls the coach is encouraging him all the way. He directs him, and consistently tells him not to quit. When the weight is starting to cause Brock pain, the coach tells him to keep going. Brock yells, “it hurts, it’s too hard”, but the coach yells back, “keep on going, don’t quit, 10 more steps, you can do this. Give me your very best!”  Brock continues on and then collapses on the field. The coach takes off the blindfold and tells Brock to look up; he is in the end zone.

 

Coach Taylor tells Brock that he is his most influential player on the team and if he walks around defeated, so will they. He points out the fact that he just crawled from one end zone to the other with a 140 pound man on his arms. Then he says “God has gifted you with the ability of leadership- don’t waste it.” 

 

Maybe you are like Brock, with a bad attitude that is becoming a roadblock to your potential. Maybe those attitudes are affecting the power of your influence on everyone around you, your family, your co-workers, your friends. Maybe you are feeling like the weight of life is just like that player on Brock’s back, too much to bear.

 

You see, I passionately believe that God has gifted every one of us with abilities, to lead, to comfort, to inspire, to create, and to share. How has He gifted you and are you like Brock, just wasting that ability?

 

As a Christian Life Coach, I help clients to step into their destiny and discover all that God has created them to be.  I am here to cheer you on and speak into your life, “Don’t quit. Give your very best, keep going, you can do this.”   

 

Connie Hanten, BCMCLC

New Hope Life Coach

Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength

Assertiveness

I’ve been thinking about assertiveness. Assertiveness is the ability to express your feelings, opinions, beliefs, and needs directly, openly and honestly, while not violating the personal rights of others. Assertiveness does not in any way mean being aggressive. Aggressive behavior is self-enhancing at the expense of others. It does not take other individual's rights into consideration. If you are aggressive, your spouse's, children's, extended family members and friends' feelings are ignored, violated and not taken into consideration when interacting with them. Furthermore, as a result of aggressive behavior, they feel hurt, humiliated, angry, and revengeful.

Assertive communication can strengthen your relationships, reducing stress from conflict and providing you with social support when facing difficult times. A polite but assertive "no" to excessive requests from others will enable you to avoid overloading your schedule and promote balance in your life. Assertive communica-tion can also help you handle difficult family, friends and co-workers more easily, reducing drama and stress.

So why be assertive?

1. By standing up for ourselves and letting ourselves be known to others, we gain self-respect and respect from others.

2. By trying to live our lives in such a way to NEVER hurt ANYONE under ANY circumstances, we end up hurting ourselves and other people.

3. When we stand up for ourselves and express our honest feelings and thoughts in direct and appropriate ways, everyone usually benefits in the long run. Likewise, when we demean other people, we also demean ourselves and everyone involved usually loses in the process.

4. By sacrificing our integrity and denying our personal feelings, relationships are usually damaged or prevented from developing. Likewise, personal relationships are hurt when we try to control others through hostility, intimidation or guilt.

5. Personal relationships become more authentic and satisfying when we share our honest responses with other people and do not block others from sharing their responses with us.

6. Not letting others know what we think and feel is just as selfish as not attending to other people's thoughts and feelings.

7. When we frequently sacrifice our rights, we teach others to take advantage of us.

8. By being assertive and informing others of how their behavior affects us, we are giving them an opportunity to change their behavior, and we are showing respect for their right to know where they stand with us.

Tom Horst, MAMFT

Marriage and Family Therapist

When God Speaks

One morning as I was getting ready to go to work my mind was filled with frustration and angst over a situation.  I confess there was a spirit of revenge in my heart and in my thoughts. As my thoughts rolled over and over in my mind I became more and more uptight and yet determined.  As I worked on knitting that ball of frustration tighter and tighter a voice suddenly came out my radio and shouted very loudly “Get out of God’s way”.   There was a pastor preaching a sermon on forgiveness on my radio station.  He continued to, in his boisterous manner, to go on to say that God cannot take care of the wrong doing that has been done to us till we get out of His way.  I looked heavenward and rhetorically asked with a smile, “That was no accident was it Lord?”  I had to laugh to myself, then sincerely repent and move on. 

I pondered what had happened as I made my way to work.  I love when God sends loud and clear messages to me and this message was certainly loud and clear, straight from the mouth of God through that pastor.  I started to think about how God knows our end from the beginning. He knows every choice we will make along life’s way.  He knows how every moment of our lives will play out.  Every moment…those few tiny seconds when that voice came out of the radio…God had to create that pastor’s mother and father, they gave birth and one or both had to raise him or influence him to be a good and godly man. He had to grow up and he had to choose to become a pastor, my radio station had to put him on their schedule at just the right time for me to hear that. All the human choices along the way. I thought about all the possibilities of how just one thing going differently in this chain of events and that voice would not have come out of my radio at that time – the perfect time.

What a peace and joy that gave me as I realized how intricately God has planned my life.  Imagine- Before the world began God had a plan for every second of everyone’s life.  Not impossible for a God who spoke the world into existence. God’s fingerprints are all over my life and yours too. There is nothing left to chance.  Sure man has free will, but God has His provisions for those wills already worked out. I can bask in the safety and security of the mighty hands of God.  I can know that He has everything already worked out for me.  If I make a “wrong” choice He has made provisions for that. If someone else makes a bad choice and it hurts me He has people and supports already worked out to help heal the hurt. If I stray from Him he already has folks in place to steer me back. His guidance, safety and protection are absolute. 

So relax! Get rid of that anxiety.  You have nothing to worry about.  Live in this world like a child under the tender loving care of the perfect parent of the universe.  God and all His angels are looking out for you.  You have only to put yourself in the capable and loving hands of God and His precious son Jesus Christ! 

Shelva Hess, Counselor

Anticipation

I recently received a text from one of my sisters about how many days there are until spring.  We are so focused on the weather and how soon this “season” will be over that we lose focus on more important things going on around us.  We are like the disciples in Mark 4:35 – 41 where they are on a boat and they start to fear for their lives because of a storm.  They wake Jesus who was asleep and he calms the wind and the water and questions their faith.  We are just like the disciples when we question the storms and trials that we face.

During the snow storms we have going on outside our homes we don’t always recognize the raging storms of our mental wellbeing.  Are we so focused on the next “season” so much that we lose focus on the here and now in the anticipation of what is to come next?  I have learned that if I don’t take care of my mental wellbeing and remain focused through faith in Jesus that I am not able to handle the little things that I over look.  My anticipation should be keeping my focus on Jesus and everything around me will fall into its proper place.

While we are in the storms of our lives where is our focus?  Would Jesus call us out on our faith as He did his disciples?  It certainly helps us think about our “storms” from a different perspective and realize where our anticipation and focus need to be!

Elaine Campbell, MA, MHC