I always feel sort of unsettled between
Thanksgiving and Christmas. I think it is a little bit of stress and a little
bit of peer pressure to "do Christmas right." This season can often consume us with a multitude of activities--buying
and decorating the Christmas tree, Christmas shopping, Christmas presents,
Christmas pageants, Advent, cookie baking. etc. Sometimes I feel
overwhelmed with it all and wish for "normalcy" in my life.
However, after reading Kara's blog, I have decided to enjoy these normal,
seasonal activities that can at times make me cranky. Kara is dying of
cancer. She is mourning the loss of not being able to do the normal
Christmas activities with her family and at times finds herself jealous of
those of us who can. She writes:
So, last night...I was in agony. I was weeping hot and angry tears over
the pain. And all I kept saying over and over- is “I’m so jealous of normal
people.” I just want to be kissing my kids goodnight and sitting down for a
glass of something and adult conversation next to my man- not calling the
hospital and debating if I need to go there to spare the kids from hearing my
agony. I want a bad hair day, to worry over a spelling test, or upcoming lines
in a play coming out smoothly for my brave young lady that has taken on drama
with a stutter. I’m so proud. So proud of her. I want to go to a thrift store
and buy old wool sweaters and make ugly stuffed animals with my kids and bake
over Christmas break. I do not want to be back in radiation battling to kill
what is killing me…. or hurting me. I want to be decorating my house for
Christmas.
She goes on to say:
I’m going to open my Bible, and I’m going to hunt down the grace, the peace,
the source of what living- true living really is. It’s not the absence of this
pain, it’s not the presence of normal. It’s the ability and strength that I
covet so desperately. It’s Jesus. He is who I need. But I also know He’s not
disappointed in my wrestling, weary heart this morning. He will show me, once
again, that he is enough. Maybe I can’t run to the store and Christmas shop or
decorate, but after I search out peace...I plan to find a few treats for my
people for Christmas. That feels almost normal. And tonight as a family- we can
read scripture, and as a family we are going to curl up in my bed and pick a
Compassion Child to support together. Oh- I feel the peace coming just
making this plan. A moment not focused on me- glory. I feel a contented face
coming right now- thank you Jesus.
Wow! I don't think there is much more I can add to that. I am just
going to be grateful that I can physically do those "normal" things
that Kara wishes she could do. I don't have to worry about whether my house is
as beautifully decorated as my friend's or whether my cookies taste as good as
another lady's at church, or whether I can buy the perfect gifts for my family.
Christmas is about so much more. It is about life and life is beautiful. I want
to embrace every day that God gives me and be thankful that God chose to send
his son to earth as a baby so that I can have life, not only on this earth but
also for eternity.
My prayers are with Kara and her family as she continues her struggle. As
hard and as difficult as her journey is, her strength, courage, and faith
are such an inspiration to many. It has helped me to put into perspective the
things in my life that are really important and to count each day as a blessing
from God.
PS - The sign is a Christmas gift to myself that I purchased from a friend
who makes them. I LOVE it! Life is indeed beautiful. Let's be
thankful for it.
Mary Lehman
Secretary
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