How is Love Defined?

In my journey to acquire a master’s degree in counseling, I have obtained knowledge about human behavior and what motivates human beings to do the things we do. The mind is a fascinating organ and proves that God did not haphazardly create human beings. As the psalmist David proclaimed, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” (Psalm 139:14, NIV).

      One’s behaviors flow from many areas. The apostle Paul knew that professing to be a Christian meant that we should be different because the Holy Spirit of God dwelt within. Yielded to the Holy Spirit, Christian’s behaviors should flow out from having the love of God in us. He illustrates this in “the love chapter” (1 Corinthians 13).

I am troubled by the observations I have made recently as my mom, sisters and I go through personal struggles with the decline of my father’s health, my sister’s health and other events that have served to emotionally exhaust us. I have watched as people who claim to be Christian inquire about personal affairs under the guise of “love.”  Yet the outcomes prove only to be used for gossip.  

Paul says, “Love … does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth” (v. 6). Some people love to find out the shortcomings of others and spread that evil report. They are glad about the bad. These “tabloid-minded Christians” delight in having a scrap of knowledge that sets them apart from others. In a perverse way such idle talk and gossip strengthens their self-image. And to the degree their evil rumors reduce the perceived value of others; the gossipers supposed to build their own value and worth in the eyes of others.

This is not the way of agape love. Rather, love “rejoices in the truth” and actively advertises the good things in others. Love is the basis of the old adage, “If you don’t have anything good to say about someone or something, don’t say anything at all.” When there has been hardship or failure, rather than expose it love would seek to cover it and see it healed. Rather than relate about darkness and failures, love would compel us to seek to edify and build up rather than tear down lives and reputations with our words.

     How then do we steer clear of conducting ourselves in a manner that is worthy and profitable to others? The answer is found in 1 Thess. 4:11 which states that we are, “To make it your ambition and definitely endeavor to live quietly and peacefully and to mind your own affairs….”  Matthew Henry’s commentary says, “Satan is very busy to disquiet us….so then, Do your own business. When we go beyond this, we expose ourselves to a great deal of inquietude. Those who are busy-bodies, meddling in other men’s matters, generally have but little quiet in their own minds and cause great disturbances among their neighbors;….”

Connie Hanten, BCMCLC

New Hope Life Coach