Am I really listening?

We just finished a seven week session of Strengthening Families Program 10-14, in which young teens and their parents learn tools to make their relationships stronger and healthier. The first tool the parents learn in the class is:

Listen for the feelings.

When my child comes to me with a problem, do I immediately ask 20 questions? Or do I try to fix it for them? Or maybe I even get angry! Maybe all she wants is to be heard, to be loved. Maybe she wants to know that I understand.

Perhaps her best friend ignored her today, or even said something mean to her. I might say, "Sounds like you might be sad." Or maybe, "That must have made you feel very sad and lonely." She might even agree and say, "Yes, I was scared Susie won't be my friend anymore."

When we hear people's feelings, they feel accepted and cared for. After all, we really can't fix their problems. But we can be there for them. This will empower them to go on, to make their own decisions and feel secure.

And at the right time, we can share with them that Jesus always understands and cares. "Cast all your anxiety upon him, because He always cares for you!" (1 Peter 5:7)

~Ginger Holler